Voice 1
Welcome to Spotlight. I’m Megan Nollet.
Voice 2
And I’m Andrew Devis. Spotlight uses a special English method of broadcasting. It is easier for people to understand no matter where in the world they live.
Click here to listen to this program on YouTube.
Voice 1
Do you know how your parents first met? Do you know what happened before they got married? What did your grandparents do to get to know each other before they got married? How have you looked for a husband or wife? Today’s Spotlight is on courtship, the many different ways men and women find a husband or wife.
Voice 2
Courtship is a name for the process of finding and getting to know someone that you will marry. Today, many people do this through “dating”. But not in every culture! Courtship happens differently in different cultures around the world. And courtship today often is very different from courtship hundreds of years ago. Let’s look at some of the different ways people find love.
Voice 1
In ancient times many marriages started when men from one group or tribe would steal a woman from another tribe. The woman would then be forced to become the man’s wife. She would become a part of her new tribe. Family and community are often important in finding a husband or wife. For royal families, this choice can also affect a whole country. Often, these marriages are arranged. That is, other people help to choose the husband or wife, or others even force a particular choice.
Voice 2
Arranged marriages were common through history among royal families, as a way to bring security to a country. One example of this is Queen Maria Theresa of Austria. She had thirteen sons and daughters. She used her children as a way to help her country avoid wars. The Queen forced her children to marry dukes and duchesses from other countries. By the end of her life, Maria had children who were part of the royal families of Spain, France, Netherlands, and Italy.
Voice 1
Arranged marriages do not just happen among rich and powerful people. And they are often a way for parents to love and care for their children. This kind of marriage is common in many cultures.
Voice 2
In some areas of Pakistan, families follow a courtship tradition called Pait Likkhi. In the Urdu language, Pait means “written”. Likkhi means “stomach.” So Pait Likkhi means “written on the stomach”. Two families agree to marry their children before they are born or when they are very young. The marriage then happens when the children are young adults. The children must follow the wishes of their families. They are not permitted to decide whom they will marry. But recently, courts in Pakistan have tried to fight this tradition.
Voice 1
There is also a form of arranged marriage in Japan. There, this process is called Miai. Parents will choose a boy for their daughter to meet. Sometimes the family will hire a nakodo or “go between” – a person who knows many young people in the community. This nakodo will then choose two available people. The man and woman look at pictures of each other and then decide to meet. The families and the son and daughter all attend this first meeting. If the meeting goes well, then the couple may meet again and someday get married. But if a marriage is not arranged, how do two people find each other for marriage? There are many other traditions that help people meet each other.
Voice 2
Meeting in public places is a common custom for courtship. In the village of Croscombe in England, young men and women had an interesting courting tradition. In the 1400s, the young unmarried women in the village would block the village streets. They would make all the unmarried men pay a fine to pass through. The next day, the unmarried men would block the street, and the women would have to pay. All the money collected went to the local church and the young men and women got to know each other a little better.
Voice 1
A newer form of courtship is called “speed dating.” The idea started in Beverly Hills, California, in 1988. Here is how speed dating works. Many men and women gather together at a restaurant or bar. A speed dating leader tells the people what to do. Each man finds a woman to talk with, and they sit down at a table. The man and woman talk and ask questions to quickly learn about the other person. After about five minutes, the speed dating leader rings a bell. Everyone must find a new person to talk with.
Voice 2
The men and women talk to many people throughout the night. If a man enjoys talking to one particular woman, he writes her name down. The women do the same thing. At the end of the night, everyone gives these names to the speed dating leader. If a man and woman wrote each other’s names, they are a match! The speed dating leader gives them the phone number or email address of their match.
Voice 1
Speed dating may seem like a foolish way to meet people. How much can you really learn about a person in just five minutes? But many experts say that some of the most important opinions you make about someone happen within the first thirty seconds. Speed dating is quick courtship!
Voice 2
Courtship traditions in the Philippines are not quick like this. Instead, it has many different parts. The man and the woman slowly show interest in each other. When the interest is confirmed, they begin to go on dates. But in different areas of the country, there are other traditions too. In the Palawan region, men perform courtship through the use of love riddles. A riddle is a question that must be solved. Riddles often have hidden meanings. The parents of the girl ask the man and his parents riddles to learn more about them.
Voice 1
In the Pangasinan region of the Philippines, the man makes “taga-ama,” a liquid love potion. He gives this to the woman hoping she will drink the taga-ama or use it as a perfume and fall in love with him. If this does not work, he will act out a story or drama to show his love for the woman. In the Vasayas region, the men sing songs to the women they want to marry. Men also will write love letters and give these to a close friend to bring to the woman. But the man does not only write to the woman. He also writes to her family.
Voice 2
Whatever the culture, courtship is an important part of life. Courtship is how we decide whom to marry. It is part of forming families. No matter how you find a husband or wife, courtship is the first part of forming a good marriage relationship.
Voice 1
What do you think of these courtship traditions? What do you look for in a person who you will marry? What character traits build a life-long commitment to another person? Share your thoughts with us. You can leave a comment on our website at www.spotlightenglish.com. You can also find us on YouTube, Facebook, TikTok, Bluesky and X. You can also get our programs delivered directly to your Android or Apple device through our free official Spotlight English app.
Voice 2
The writers and producer of this program were from the Spotlight team. The voices you heard were from the United Kingdom and the United States. All quotes were adapted for this program and voiced by Spotlight. You can listen to this program again, and read it, on the internet at www.radioenglish.net. This program is called, ‘Traditions of Love.’
Voice 1
We hope you will join us for the next Spotlight program. Goodbye.
Question:
What do you think of these courtship traditions? What do you look for in a person who you will marry? What character traits build a life-long commitment to another person?
I find speed dating very interesting. I think it is a very unusual but nice way to find love.
Love is the force of nature that renews itself in every living being. I prefer loves that blossom in school or through the spontaneity of chance encounters. “Platonic” loves are also important: those known to only one person, while the other knows nothing about them. In my case, these are the most prevalent. To answer the program’s question, I say that the essential conditions for a long-lasting relationship, based on mutual respect and trust, are honesty, sincerity, and generosity.
Love is very important to me .
I enjoy listening to these funny and strange courtship traditions. I think the most important thing everyone must look for in a person they will marry is intellectual compatibility. As for character traits, I think honesty, bravery, responsibility, and commitment to principles are the most important ones.
the marriage in Muslim country different, the man if he love woman in his college or his work, will tell your family for come with your parents forward to engagement her, if don’t have woman or don’t meeting woman, your parent will finding woman to mired for him and engagements.
Hello,
Some courtship traditions that shouldn’t be allowed. It’s not fair to say gently: deciding who your son or daughter will marry, even before they are born.
Marriage is a crucial decission in life and is not and easy task.
What I look for in a person with whom I want to share my life are loyalty, empathy, honesty, respect, commiment, forgiveness.
It’s not about perfection, but about consistent effort, mutual respect, and shared values over time. Those values must be embraced by both yourself and your partner.