Traditions of Love


Christy VanArragon and Joshua Leo look at the many different ways men and women find a husband or wife.

Transcript


Voice 1

Welcome to Spotlight. I'm Christy VanArragon.

Voice 2

And I'm Joshua Leo. Spotlight uses a special English method of broadcasting. It is easier for people to understand no matter where in the world they live.

Voice 1

Do you know how your parents first met? Do you know what happened before they got married? What did your grandparents do to get to know each other before they got married? How have you looked for a husband or wife? Today's Spotlight is on courtship, the many different ways men and women find a husband or wife.

Voice 2

Courtship is a name for the process of finding and getting to know someone that you will marry. Today, many people do this through "dating". But not in every culture! Courtship happens differently in cultures around the world. And courtship today often is very different from courtship hundreds of years ago. Let's look at some of the different ways people find love.

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In ancient times many marriages started when men from one group or tribe would steal a woman from another tribe. The woman would then be forced to become the man's wife. She would become a part of her new tribe.

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Family and community are often important in finding a husband or wife. For royal families, this choice can also affect a whole country. Often, these marriages are arranged. That is, someone helps to choose the husband or wife, or even forces a particular choice.

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Arranged marriages were common through history among royal families, as a way to bring security to a country. One example of this is Queen Maria Theresa of Austria. She had thirteen sons and daughters. She used her children as a way to help her country avoid wars. The Queen forced her children to marry dukes and duchesses' from other countries. By the end of her life, Maria had children who were part of the royal families of Spain, France, Netherlands, and Italy.

Voice 2

Arranged marriages do not just happen among rich and powerful people. And they are often a way for parents to love and care for their children. This kind of marriage is common in many cultures.

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In some areas of Pakistan, families follow a courtship tradition called Pait likkhi. In the Urdu Language, Pait means "written". Likkhi means Stomach. So Pait Likkhi means "written on the stomach". Two families agree to marry their children before they are born or when they are very young. The marriage then happens when the children are young adults. The children must follow the wishes of their families. They are not permitted to decide who they will marry. But recently, courts in Pakistan have tried to fight this tradition.

Voice 2

There is also a form of arranged marriage in Japan. There, this process is called Miai. Parents will choose a boy for their daughter to meet. Sometimes the family will hire a nakodo or "go between" - a person who knows many young people in the community. This nakodo will then choose two available people. The man and woman look at pictures of each other and then decide to meet. The families and the son and daughter all attend this first meeting. If the meeting goes well, then the couple may meet again and someday get married.

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But if a marriage is not arranged, how do two people find each other for marriage? There are many other traditions that help people meet each other.

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Meeting in public places is a common custom for courtship. In the village of Croscombe in England, young men and women had an interesting courting tradition. In the fourteen hundreds the young unmarried women in the village would block the village streets. They would make all the unmarried men pay a fine to pass through. The next day, the unmarried men would block the street and the women would have to pay. All the money collected went to the local church and the young men and women got to know each other a little better.

Voice 1

A newer form of courtship is called "speed dating". The idea started in Beverly Hills, California in nineteen ninety eight. Here is how speed dating works. Many men and women gather together at a restaurant or bar. A speed dating leader tells the people what to do. Each man finds a woman to talk to and they sit down at a table. The man and woman talk and ask questions to quickly learn about the other person. After about five minutes, the speed dating leader rings a bell. Everyone must find a new person to talk to.

Voice 2

The men and women talk to many people throughout the night. If a man enjoys talking to one particular woman, he writes her name down. The women do the same thing. At the end of the night everyone gives these names to the speed dating leader. If a man and woman wrote each other's names, they are a match! The speed dating leader gives them the phone number or email address of their match.

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Speed dating may seem like a foolish way to meet people. How much can you really learn about a person in just five minutes? But many experts say that some of the most important opinions you make about someone happen within the first thirty seconds. Speed dating is quick courtship!

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Courtship traditions in the Philippines are not quick like this. Instead, it has many different parts. The man and the woman slowly show interest in each other. When the interest is confirmed, they begin to go on dates. But in different areas of the country, there are other traditions too. In the Palawan region, men perform courtship through the use of love riddles. A riddle is a question that must be solved. Riddles often have hidden meanings. The parents of the girl ask the man and his parents riddles to learn more about them.

Voice 1

In the Pangasinan region of the Philippines, the man makes liquid love potions. He gives them to the woman hoping she will drink them and fall in love with him. If this does not work, he will act out a story or drama to show his love for the woman.

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In the Vasayas Region the men sing songs to the women they want to marry. Men also will write love letters and give them to a close friend to bring to the woman. But the man does not only write to the woman. He also writes to her family.

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Whatever the culture, courtship is an important part of life. Courtship is how we decide who to marry. It is part of forming families. No matter how you find a husband or wife, courtship is the first part of forming a good marriage relationship.

Voice 2

What do you think of these courtship traditions? What do you look for in a person who you will marry? Share your thoughts with us. You can email us at radio@english.net or visit our website at http://www.radio.english.net. You can also find Spotlight on Facebook. Just search for Spotlight Radio.

Voice 1

The writer and producer of today's program was Joshua Leo. The voices you heard were from the United States. This programme is called "Traditions of Love". We hope you can join us for the next Spotlight program, goodbye.

Comments


Avatar Spotlight
olayvo
said on August 17, 2010

thanks 4 shared…this listen is very interested…

humble71's avatar
humble71
said on August 17, 2010

Those kind of courtship are interesting . I learned about traditions around the world. I liked the tradition in the village of Croscombe in England. About to get a couple to share time together is very difficult, I think it’s a magic time when you find a woman. I think it’s a miracle when a person feels his or her heart pumps bravely and without sense I think it’s the right person..
  To share the rest of life with a woman , only you can decide it when you are safe to say freely “ I love you”  and you feel plenty of love and you are crazy for her and when   she sees your eyes very profound and constantly.
To get a click with a woman it’s the miracle…There are people who practice courtship very easy or make friends or break the ice in front of others.  I think is difficult to touch the spirit and heart of a woman..Of course there is a book titled “ Men are from Mars and women are from Venus”.

Bye Spotlight always you teach me things about other cultures and traditions when I don’t have the resources to travel around the world. You are my eyes outside.

Have a great time my friends , thanks.

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Solid
said on August 17, 2010

I think ” LOVE ” is the worst way of find a woman. Firt choose one whith your head, then love her.

humble71's avatar
humble71
said on August 23, 2010

My friend “solid” we are in democracy and I accept your commentary but I’m not agree about “LOVE” is the worst way of find a woman. When you feel that your acts are crazy and without sense when you don’t use your head you can feel something special . I know that is wrong to act in a crazy way but .. how can I put the head in an area that only is occupied by the heart..the site where the reason doesn’t have space?  How can we explain when a prince is married with a woman of the population with no honor family degree? I don’t know..it’s a dilema..  I use the head before to leave with a woman, but it’s neccesary some chemistry something special that the five senses can’t explain . Tell me how can you write a poem for a woman if you feel with the head..or how can you sing or listen to a romantic music if you don’t feel something in your heart? ..With the head it’s impossible..
  For me LOVE is MAGIC time .. and it’s very rare when it appears in the life .
Bye my friend .

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Mr Minh
said on August 26, 2010

I am given to understand that in China there are many towns with “Love Markets”

One board for the girls & one for the boys

Ma & Pa have a whale of a time fixing up their children, who like the rest of the world are too busy making money to enjoy themselves

Little eateries, coffee shops & hairdressers spring up to create a most enjoyable social event.

Impressed, members of the Dalat Language Club want me to start one inside the club

Oh no ! “Teacher, he talked too much” “Teacher, I need to marry a year of the horse, she’s a buffalo

A topic for spotlight ?

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Ceci Sandoval J.
said on September 03, 2011

I have been tinking about these courtship traditions and I could say that someones are a bite strange, I couldn’t marry for convenience. I will look for a person who loves me so much to marry.

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GelezniyDen
said on September 07, 2011

Hello, hey everybody and good night all people who live in that beautiful world. When have said in previous program I live in Russia and there we can look for marriage anyone who liked us and this way by my view point one of the most correct ways of finding persons who you liked. And I remember the following words from one famous song:


Like a river flows surely to the sea
Darling so it goes
Some things are meant to be
Take my hand, take my whole life too
For I can’t help falling in love with you

Elvis Presley

It is just perfect song for all lovely people in the world.

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georgino
said on October 21, 2012

I consider whatever the culture is. It’s important to know a woman and the same way a woman to know a man. Because after that the relatioship could be better in their lives and less affected.  must have love a feeling of atraction and the most important the respect each other.
Thank you It helps to remember how I know to my wife.
Blessings friends.

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blue diamond
said on July 23, 2013

Great topic, thank you very much. But when will I find my real love? :( Is it the person who I love him a lot, or the person who truly love me??? Can’t wait!!!^^
From Vietnam

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nguyenthuy
said on February 02, 2015

after i read this article i knew more about courtship on around the world . Love and be loved is magical . Each country has a different cuture in courtships . In my country , especially in a remote areas , many ethnic minorities have similar cutures that a men will steal a woman who they love or like to become their wife . Nowaday , we will meet together through relations and start to court and choose appropriate person to marry .

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mykimnguyenthi
said on March 29, 2015

I will find a boy who we love each other to marry.