Does Porn Kill Love?


Love and sex are two of the strongest human desires. Robin Basselin and Ryan Geertsma look at a difficult subject: does using pornography hurt relationships?

Transcript


Voice 1 

Welcome to Spotlight. I'm Ryan Geertsma.

Voice 2 

And I'm Robin Basselin. Spotlight uses a special English method of broadcasting. It is easier for people to understand, no matter where in the world they live.

Voice 1 

Love and sex. These are two of the strongest human desires. Many people dream of finding the right person. They imagine loving that one person for life. They may dream of having children together. Often, they want to enjoy security and love into their old age. Sex is an important part of this kind of loving relationship. Sex helps people feel physically and emotionally connected.

Voice 2 

Some people claim that pornography, or porn, will help peoples' sexuality. Porn is print images or film that shows sexual acts. People like porn because they like sex. But how does porn affect real life relationships? Today's Spotlight looks at the question: Does porn kill love?

Voice 1 

Today, it takes very little effort to find porn. Using the internet, a person can find porn in just a few seconds. The making and selling of porn has grown into a huge industry - worth billions of dollars. The Sunday Times UK newspaper reports that the Internet porn industry makes $3,000 dollars every second. That is a lot of money!

Voice 2 

But how does all this pornography affect the quality of the real loving relationships that we all desire? Well, one of the results of porn is that it can lead to feelings of insecurity. The porn industry uses actors and models to create their sexual images. Sometimes, they also use technology to enhance or change these images. Most men and women cannot look like the people they see in porn. When a person enjoys porn, they can start to expect unreal or impossible things from the person they love. This can make the person they love feel like they are not good enough. Louanne Weston is a doctor who works in the field of human sexuality. She explains,

Voice 3 

"The average woman feels shame because her body is nowhere near as perfect as what she sees on film... When women see the men in their lives enjoying those women, they often feel hopeless. They fear rejection."

Voice 1 

Porn also presents false ideas about sex itself. Writer Michael Castleman writes about matters of sex. He believes that porn is ruining love. He argues that porn is not real sex. And he thinks this is a major problem. In a story called “The Real Problem with Pornography,” he wrote,

Voice 4 

"Porn sex is The Big Lie told over and over and over again. Yet the large amounts of internet porn make many people believe that porn sex is the way sex should be."

Voice 2 

Most porn does not show real sex in real relationships. It does not involve emotion or shared lives. It is not concerned with love. It only shows acts of sex. And these acts are getting more and more extreme. The porn industry competes for profit. And industry competition leads to more extreme kinds of porn - even violent porn.

Voice 1 

Extreme porn is becoming more common. The Sunday Times UK news reports that 88% of the material from several popular online porn websites includes physical force or violence. But the truth is that most people who watch extreme porn do not even like it. In fact, they can be sickened by it. Yet they still want it. Why would someone feel a strong desire for something that they do not like - something that can even make them feel sick?

Voice 2 

The answer is one of the most dangerous things about porn. Recent scientific research proves that porn can act like a drug on the human brain. When people start using porn, they can become addicted. They develop a harmful need to watch it. And they find it very difficult to stop. Porn affects the same part of the brain that drugs do. When a person first sees a new kind of porn image, it causes excitement. But watching the same images over time causes your brain to react to them as though they are normal.

Voice 1 

Just like a drug addiction, porn addiction requires more and more porn to reach the same level of excitement. This also leads to more extreme forms of porn. But because they are addicted, people can start to desire things that they do not like or agree with. They can experience intense physical desire for something they know is damaging - just like drugs.

Voice 2 

These kinds of desires do not lead to real relationships. They only lead to more porn. Gail Dines is a university teacher and writer. She has studied the effects of porn for many years. Dines wrote a book about her research called Pornland. She told The Guardian newspaper:

Voice 5 

"The earlier men use porn, the higher the chance that they will have trouble developing close relationships with real women. Some of these men desire porn instead of sex with a real human being."

Voice 1 

Naomi Wolf is another famous writer who writes about sexuality. She travels the world to talk to people about these issues. Wolf has also found that porn does not help people come close to each other. Instead, it separates people. She writes,

Voice 6 

"The young men talk about what it is like to grow up learning about sex from porn. They talk about how it does not help them understand how to be with a real woman. When I ask about feeling lonely, a deep, sad silence comes on the groups of young men and women. They know that they are lonely together, even when they are having sex. And they know that porn images are a big part of that loneliness."

Voice 2 

Porn may satisfy some basic sexual desires. But it does not satisfy our deep human need for loving relationships. And the porn industry has a financial interest in creating porn addicts. The more porn people watch, the more money the porn industry makes. But the industry does not have any interest in making human relationships stronger.

Voice 1 

Unlike real life sex, research shows that porn does not connect people emotionally. Instead, it separates people. Porn leads only to more porn - instead of helping people enjoy their sexuality together. Experts seem to agree that porn is killing love! And it is making us lonely. In a story for the Daily News UK, Wolf asks an interesting question,

Voice 6 

"Are we 'sexually free' if porn is taking over our minds and making us unable to keep meaningful relationships? A powerful industry is trying to turn us more and more into sexual and emotional machines, where we are only able to enjoy sexual desire in a room with a computer, alone."

Voice 2 

The writer of this program was Jen Hawkins. The producer was Michio Ozaki. The voices you heard were from the United States. All quotes were adapted and voiced by Spotlight. You can listen to this program again, and read it, on the internet at www.radioenglish.net. This program is called, “Does Porn Kill Love?"

Voice 1

 We hope you can join us again for the next Spotlight program. Goodbye!

Question:

What are some keys to a good relationship?

Comments


Avatar Spotlight
Dela
said on July 12, 2014

There is undeniable fact the pornography industry is the matter of the enormous commercial profits and that is why the porn production increases constantly. Unfortunately, porn doesn’t contribute to the quality, meaningful relationship in any case, the persons becoming addicts to pornography are not able to create the serious, sincere, responsible relationship because they live in their own imaginary domain and cannot fight with its tempting. The addicts’ personality is changed, hurted slowly just as their sense of reality, the persons using pornography are not able to find, recognize, experience the real, beautiful affection nor to live the normal sexual life too.
Greetings!

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Nguyen Dang Manh Hung
said on August 15, 2015

Thanks a lot. This speech is really really useful for me. i have watched porn, it’s true as what these writers say. When you watch porn, it becomes a addiction with sex, it’s getting acuter and acuter problem, day by day it make you feel disappointed about yourself and also cause you to separate people, your life is worse. It hardly bow out of porn, but i will try to have a better life and a real love with people. A real human being.

Kaleb Kolaibi's avatar
Kaleb Kolaibi
said on July 29, 2016

Its a good program. I completely agree with it. I have had an experience with the pornography and I could get rid from it with a difficulty especially that I’m single to now. The thankful is back to my new Christianity faith which changes my life.
I think that the primary key for successful any relationship is the mutual respect where each one respect other and his /her personality and his /her differently.
God bless you

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saos88
said on July 29, 2016

Many thanks for putting this issue. Religious values and adjust the behavior of the wrong and fight of the most important keys to find a good relationship

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HueDuc
said on July 29, 2016

In my opinion, the keys to a good relationship is love come from our heart with together, love is one of the important despite what’s you are. Each relationships in the world can’t communication if don’t have LOVE. I don’t say love about girl and boy, I want to say more than. Love betwen human and nature, human and animals, etc. And they keys to a good relationship is LOVE.

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Leetinbk
said on July 30, 2016

Thank you very much for giving us a interesting broadcasting, I’ve wached Porn for many years, like you already told, It makes me become addicted, I just want to be alone with computer, when I visit on some wedsides often have some ads display sexual images then I visit to there, so It makes me more more excicite and it’s hard to stop. It’s like a drug, Now I have quited from Porn, it’s not full but I already quit a part. I want to have a real relationships with the person I love that does not involve too much about sex, just want to be feel emotionnal and physically togerther. Thank you very much, this is the first time I use English to say something about me, I hope that It’s not bother all you.

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BaoNguyen
said on July 30, 2016

It’s very useful!

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Nhung Pham
said on July 31, 2016

Loyal love and deep love are some of the most important keys to a good relationship. Not love for sex, that is a wrong love !
Thank you! You read so clearly, I can hear everything and the topic is also very interesting and practical ! Love all, Love English !

Severino Ramos da Silva's avatar
Severino Ramos da Silva
said on August 18, 2016

From: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) (Severino Ramos)
To: sptlight programme
Subject: answer to the question above
Date: Thursday 18, Ausgust 2016
São Paulo SP Brazil

Dear Robin Basselin, Jen Hawkins, Ryan Geertsma, and Michio Ozaki:

At first, I want to thank you to bring us readers and learners of English more one interesting article. Thanks!
The keys to a good relationship are: To believe to each other, to share their emotions and desires to each other, and to love each other. I think.

Yours regards,
Severino Ramos
Brazil